PEER SUPPORT GROUP
You do not have to be an expert to lead an effective support group. Every morning thousands of people in recovery communities pick up a script and lead a support group. You do not have to be trained or supervised by a psychologist. All you need to do is set the basic ground rules for people to help each other, mainly by people with something in common, taking timed, uninterrupted turns, listening to each other, in complete confidence, with no advice giving, but with encouragement to be honest and share feelings, even deep ones. The evidence is clear. Peer support is at least as effective as professional therapy, sometimes more effective. That does not mean you should not consult a mental health professional. Some problems may require that.
Here is a script we developed for a major peer support project with U.S. veterans returning from combat in Iraq and Afghanistan. If you have any questions, just contact us. We’ll be happy to help.
Hi, my name is ____________ and I am the leader for this meeting.
This is a peer support meeting for (fill in the name of your people gathering for this meeting who are affected by this crisis, e.g. immigrants, federal workers, transpeople, veterans, etc.)
The National Institute for Peer Support is a nonprofit, nonpartisan organization dedicated to giving groups of people affected by this crisis an opportunity to tell our stories to one another. We do not take positions on any issue in a support group meeting.
We believe that all humans are good, including members of our group (insert the name of the group) and that there are lots of good things about our experiences.
We also know that we are being treated unfairly.
This is a place where we can celebrate the good things about being a member of our group and complain about the bad. We know that we will function better in society if we have a chance to share these high and low points with others and not carry them around inside us.
A We Care List is circulating with the names of other members of our group who are willing to take your calls. If you are willing to take calls, please put down your name, phone number, email and best times to call. The list will circulate twice, once to list your name and once for you to copy down any contacts you are interested in. If you are concerned about sharing your personal information for any reason, you do not have to. People sometimes use only their first name or a nickname. You can always share contact information one-on-one once you have gotten to know someone.
Are there any people experienced with our approach to peer support present today who would be available to meet with new comers after the meeting?
Just for the record, are there any other members of our group (immigrants, etc.) present here. Raise your hand, others will follow.
(If there are any non -members of your group present, ask the members of your group if they want the non-members stay and participate, e.g. allies, service providers, etc. If any member of your group objects, thank the non-members for their support and ask them to leave. If there are enough of them, they could have their own separate support group meeting and come back at the end.)
We follow a very simple outline. Anyone can lead one of these meetings just by picking up this Script.
We are not a mental health agency. If you feel you need professional help, we have a list of agencies and professionals in this community who have volunteered to see members of this group with no or low charges (check to see if we have such a list.)
We do not take any advocacy position on any issue. We leave our politics at the door. We are open to all members of this group regardless of your position on any issue.
We do urge you to get involved in the community as part of your healing. Members of this group get together once in a while to figure out how we can get deal with the problems facing us in what we call a “Topic Group Discussion and Action Group.” If there is a such a Discussion/Action Group for this group to identify problems and form action teams, give the date, time, and place. If there is none scheduled, but people would like to attend one, pleae pass around a sign-up sheet.
Here are the ground rules for this group.
We will set a timer so that everyone gets an equal turn to speak. Is there a volunteer who will keep time? Thanks. If none, the leader can keep time.
We do not interrupt each other or comment on each other’s stories, no matter how important it may seem. However well intended, such interruptions or advice is often hurtful. We also do not refer to each other’s stories, not even to the person who told the story, unless we first ask their permission. What you hear here, whom you see here, let it stay here.
It is okay to have and express strong feelings about our stories, both positive and negative. Many of us have had to keep those feelings to ourselves. Too often, people outside our grouop are just not able to listen to our stories. This group is a place to express those feelings. This may mean some of us may cry, laugh, tremble or get angry when it is our turn to tell our stories. That is fine. If we get angry, we tear up some paper or pound on the floor. We do not get violent with other people. We will be able to deal with the things we are talking about better afterward, as a result of telling these stories and expressing our feelings.
When each person’s time is up, we simply direct our attention to the next person and stop focusing on our own feelings. As a mindfulness exercise, I will ask you to take a moment to notice something pleasant in our surroundings or something you are looking forward to as a way of making this transition.
We always begin our meetings by going around and telling each other our names and what our our experience in our group is or was. In these introductions, we always include one thing that is new and good in our lives or that we like about our group. This helps us focus our attention on the meeting and not on whatever else might be on our mind.
Let’s go around now and introduce ourselves with our name, our experience as a member of this group and something new and good about our group.
(After everyone has introduced themselves to the extent they want to)
Now let’s each take a turn. When it is our turn, we have found that it is always useful to talk for at least a little while about what was good about our experience in our group. Then if we want, we can talk about what was hard about being a member of this group.
CALCULATING TIME FOR TURNS (NOT TO BE READ OUT LOUD: To calculate the time available for each person, divide the number of minutes remaining in the meeting–two hours is best for the whole meeting—by the number of people in the group and then the volunteer timekeeper or you set the timer for at least one minute less to allow for transitions—always subtracting five minutes for the closing. For example, if the meeting is for two hours and the introductions and the leader’s comments have taken 20 minutes, just subtract 5 from the 100 minutes remaining. If you have six people, divide 95 by 6 which is close to 16, but take off that one minute for transitions. That would give everyone 15 minutes of uninterrupted time to tell their stories.
Now let’s begin taking turns. Everyone will have ____ minutes to share their stories (the number of minutes you just calculated).
We can pick numbers to decide on a speaking order. (It may be a good idea for the leader to go first to model the process. If you would rather not go first,) Who would like to go first?
Has everyone picked a number?
After each person’s time runs out, I will say “that is time”, but give you a chance to finish your thought (a minute or so if needed.) Then, if you wish, I will ask you to tell one thing that gets your attention away from your story and back on present time, e.g. what are you looking forward to? What do you like about this room? (This another Mindfulness or regulating exercise.)
(After the last person is finished taking his or her turn, remind people)
Remember everything you heard here is confidential. What you hear here, let it stay here. If someone has asked for help during their turn and you feel you can help, after the meeting, first ask them if it is alright to talk about the subject they mentioned. This makes it much safer for people than just offering advice.
Our next peer support meeting for this group or a group like this is (time, date, and place.)
One last thing, we try and develop everyone to be a leader. Therefore, we always ask each of you to tell me one, quick, specific thing you liked about me as the leader of tonight’s group. At the same time, please tell the person on your right (or left) one thing you really like about them. This helps us build a stronger group.
When we are done, will you please help me put the room back in order?
Thank you for letting me lead this meeting.
BACKGROUND ON PEER SUPPORT GROUPS (IF POSSIBLE, TO BE READ BY THE LEADER BEFORE THE MEETING)
POPULARITY. The basic idea of a peer support group has gained popularity in the broader culture especially since the 1950’s, in large part through the 12-step and other programs which provide simple, peer based support group gatherings to help people who had developed similar and unhealthy ways of dealing with stress, e.g. alcohol, drugs, sexualizing, gambling, overeating, etc., for people with something in common, such as divorce or illness, or who simply want to help themselves. Support groups are now widely used in all areas of society by groups of people who share something in common. Indeed, almost half the adults in the U.S. are members of a small, face-to-face group that meets regularly.
SIZE. When a group gets larger than about eight, it should consider breaking down into two separate groups (even if it is simply by having half the participants go to another part of the same room) so that each person gets enough time to tell their story.
SUBGROUPS. Often groups are set up around commonalities, for example the women in a larger group may want to meet together, or the men. These subgroups can meet separately at the same time and place as the large group, but split up after introductions and then come together for a closing. Sharing something in common with the subgroup helps people feel safer to talk about things they need to talk about.
NEED FOR A LEADER. Each support group needs a leader. This is one of the basic insights of peer support networks. Whenever people meet, someone needs to be charge. We do not rely on the rigid habits of each member to decide when they should talk and for how long. If we did, some of us would talk forever and others would never have the urge to speak! The support group leader enforces the taking of equal turns and prohibits cross talk and advice. In peer support meetings, someone is the leader, even if all it means is that he or she came in first and picked up the script followed at every meeting of a particular group. There are no professionals, no experts, whether in the meeting or advising through a trained assistant. We are peers helping each other by taking turns listening to each other’s stories. As mentioned, one of the great insights of the other peer support networks is that anyone can lead a support group—if they have a simple script to guide them.
IN-PESON, ZOOM, PHONE. Support groups can meet by over the internet, by phone as well as in person. Many other peer support networks use telephone support groups to good effect. We have set up such phone support groups in the past at the national level. Please give us a call if you would like to join one.
ENCOURAGING TALKING OR FEELINGS. It is up to the individual what they talk about in a Support Group and how deeply to go into their feelings. The important incidents in an individual’s life can be told over and over with a very good effect. The leader may have to ask general questions if someone literally has nothing to say–although allowing periods of silence is fine. “What are you thinking?” is a great one to get someone talking. With respect to feelings, it is a skill to be learned. If someone has been expressing feelings, using feeling words or showing physiological signs of feelings, e.g. crying, laughing, tembling, etc., and then changes the subject to something dramatically less emotional, in my case a basketball team, you could comment on the change and ask if they want to go back to the other topic with feelings.